Cupcakes. and radishes

by ::leslie jill helpert º≠º

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released January 1, 2004

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::leslie jill helpert º≠º Barcelona, Spain

<---a non-deductive anachronymph, meaning, mostly "of a chronologically inconsistent hemimetaboly". she makes candy out of earthsap, rudders and thunder ----->

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Track Name: laborers of myth
don't wait for me
i might be long
stop you're thinking
i know what you mean
i'm so far
gone.

but it would be nice
to sit in silence
as strangers
impossible light
shine elsewhere.

or even more blessed
to just bare witness
to your solitude.
I'm so far gone.

this sweet and sour life
my heart has no right
to play God.

But I have had dreams
of life in a Gold Chair
I would not curse the land
with an expression of
right from wrong
I'd just let the song bird
fly to my hand
I'd just let the song bird
fly
To My Hand.

Some say Life
is a waiting room.
I don't know
what we're waiting on.
To stand in line with my
empty bag
for the emperor
to hand in the seams
of the dreams I did not sew
and leave the rest for the laborers of myth
they'll always make up how
our story goes
they're ravenous just looking at us.

Don't let them make up how our story goes!
Don't let them make up our sweet story,
how our story goes.
Track Name: in the Snowfall (i was designed)
i don't want to stay here forever
i just want to make right my mind

a reverie of wasted hours

looking back.

things i know are superstitions
i still think of them as mine

"the water's soft," you said "let's get in."
looking back.

in the snowfall i was designed
in the snowfall i was designed
designed
designed by you
a snowflake
when my little backwards words back out of here, you'll see.

the sense
from the second i saw you
was that I'd be persuaded
to renegotiate
the feeling of reason flying
like a blind pig

i wish i had written down the whole dream
so when it happened i'd be more prepared
to think, at the last, i AM a Lady
I ain't no
rubberband.

in the snowfall
i was designed
in the snowfall
i was designed
designed
spelling little letters backward, sometimes
there is a pattern here, it's drowning in philosophy

when my little backwards words back out of here, you'll see.

"If i have made any intricate imperfect things
chiefly which wrong your mind
songs less firm than your body's song
upon my mind
Let the world say, let the world say
what it will and all"
how fragile yet frosty a thing
is the one designed in the snow fall.
Track Name: good 'n what we had
do you know the difference 'tween good 'n what we had?
good'll gobble up like Cookie in a Bag.
good'll keep you floating
off the bottom of the ocean
good'll rock you like a baby
baby we're no good
when we rock
we make an avalanche.

i tell you how i miss you
it's like missing make believe
clinging to a cliff wall
when you know you'll fall from naivete.
coming up for air
to find none there
you were deceived
you got no more life in your tires.

baby when we breathe
we make god perspire.

everyone i know 'round here knows this
the swimming hole is deep
swing on the rope right off the cliff
the water's gonna catch you baby
that's the juice of the earth's kiss
you can't think twice when you dive
you scramble in the wind
like the wind
pushed you in
and you can't swim
and you don't know where to hide.

baby let me sink with you
drown let me drink with you
down to the depth of your personal mess
i left my bag in there
where you don't get no air
i wanna talk baby language
to your most
unlearned places.
Track Name: cold flat pressed black ink
i write so i don't bleed
it's kinda like a band-aid you put on before you're cut
some man said we don't need no books or no literacy to live right
and a jehova witness got up from his chair with his bible and left when he said that
well i don't know what that man would think
about me and my love of cold flat pressed black ink.

cold flat pressed black ink
cold flat pressed black ink
you and i no longer meet
but if we did we'd arrange the
clouds in lines of poetry
like two cyclone simile.

i draw so that we don't budge
from the thick texture smoke of our bodies' smudge
we had to get up so i made an outline
with the charcoal of my eyes
and now we're always making love
in the rainy dusk rising.

i'm never gonna say goodbye to you.
worst I'll do is till you til your soul is soil in my garden
i'm growing vines, vines of lines, lines of lyric, lyrical rhymes.

cold flat pressed black ink
cold flat pressed black ink
i never been a folk singer
i never sang about nothing i know
i never really truly knew what i thought.

way back when i'd be better off playing a saxaphone
muting my sharp words through complex motifs
getting goatee clad sheddin' jazz cats off.

i drive so that i don't stay
it's better off baby, better off this way.
we were only living together to afford cheap rent.
but our heart's spent, our heart's spent.

here you come flying to me
here you come flying now.
and like a bird's got his worm danglin' you got a box of them black-capped dreams.
here you come flying, here you come flying now.
ink running all over your arms and legs,
baby you are motion, baby you are motion in poetry.
and i can't stay, i can't stay--- lord knows I can't stay

spices and treasures made proud boats sink, but i think it well worth it for the cold cold ink
sticks and stones broke an old crone's bones,
crusty crowns and thrones die hard alone, but
nothing hurt no one from a Bold Love Poem....

and it gets it out
it gets it out.
And boy, Now it's Gone.
Track Name: the dearish
My truth
is so deep
it'd take years
to excavate
to its core
and when it is revealed
most probably
you won't be
around anymore.

My person's
like a Gun
I carry it
in the pocket
of my pants
like a weapon
underneath the pants
i am protecting
the flower of my soul.

Sweet
in between
The Flesh of Yes and No
Comes the Hips
which open
like Umbrellas
in an international
unheard
anthem.

My baseness
my bluntness
my quick rapidity
to nail you down
and raise you up
like a tied flag
is my wasted inspiration
just one idea
that came
impulsively
misfired
misfired
to Kiss you.

To Kiss You
Paper in the wind
News revolts from Clutched hands
and reverts back again
to the open sky
of no commentary or opinion

To Kiss You
Logic Weeps
Yet is swept in the sweep
of its own reason wept
I will hang my hang later
for the Haughty clouds
None the less dearish, I ravish you now.

A moment more
and I am privy to your every need
I resign this self-investment
to cater to your seed
I will not again go hungry
I will not again need sleep
You, my tobacco flower,
fill my lungs and I breathe.

I will never write poetry
like the shape of your mouth
and no poetry will transform
and spit me out
like it is
To Kiss You

To Kiss You
Paper in the wind
News revolts from clutched hands
and reverts
back again
to the open sky
of no commentary, opinions
To Kiss You
Logic Weeps
Yet is swept in the sweep
of its own reason wept

I will hang my head later
for the haughty clouds
none the less dearish
i ravish you now.

To Kiss You
Paper in the wind
News revolts from clutched hands
and reverts back again
to the open sky
of no commentary or opinion

To Kiss you
Yes Logic Weeps
Yet is swept in the sweep
of its own reason wept

I will hang my head later
for the haughty clouds
none the less
my dearish
I will ravish you now.

You Are The Dearish.
You Are The Dearish To Me.
You
Are The Dearish.
Track Name: reference
i share
with the sky
about what i like
when i like

i don't expect
you to understand

honey i watched that
helium thing
leave my hand.
just forget about it.

if you need a reference darling
a proof of your strength darling
i'll tell it like confucius said
to be that firm is to be dead.

i lie to you
when i talk
just by opening my mouth
just by opening my mind
cuz
there's nothing left
nothing in here
but one strong single thread
holding me up
long silky and fine.

if you need a reference
darling
a proof of your strength
darling
I'll tell it like confucius said
to be that firm is to be dead.

I share
with the sky
all the stories
i swore to keep in secrecy
and when our eyes meet
in the day
there are no longer words
to begin
what i've got to say.

If you need a reference darling
a song for what you've sewn
Me, for example, proves
how in the dark
one still grows
left alone by you.
Track Name: 2 bad villains from 2 opposing bad-ass towns
I know You Don't Want This anymore
You Say You're Scared to just let Go

I'm driving through
over the mississippi tonight
the heat's on but outside
it's 85.

I think that we
take it along
two ruff-riders
rambling in song

I don't think you've
done me wrong
not really.

the twin cities
like obelisk
rise from flat farm-land country side.
pass their shit
south on 35
on where the fuck am I?

Des Moines by morning
my eyes rest on nothing
I hit Kansas
what is this
I just woke up on the road.

I think that we
take it along
we're two bad villains
lascivious in song

I don't think you've done me wrong
I was born wrong.

Before I make sense here
the strange picture fades.
Years reckoned by time
beckon on their little legs
to be carried away.

And I'm mid-west
almost through Colorado
by night fall
this time tomorrow
I'll reach the coast
I'll drive it over the edge
my love
I'm not scared
to let this thing go.

I think that we
take it along
we float what we know
we drown in our song
there is no clear right from wrong here
just play it my love, dear, until it's gone
sing it out strong and clear
get in there, go on
show up for what you fear until it gets along.

Get along, get along ruff rider, get along.

Mamma said OH
You're so difficult to please
I fall on my knees
You don't know how easy
You Could Please me.
Track Name: pegasus moth's weave
He was a good boy
but his mamma wanted more for him then she had for herself
so she took him to the side of the road at 11 months old and said "go on, walk it, little child, come back when you know more than your mother".

So he walked til found a pegasus moth and they rode away under her wing and she took him to the sand-drip castle where she came from and he stayed there for 7 cycles of the sun round the sky and when he left he could almost fly so he went to go find his mother, but his mom had run off with a chariot brother so

He took keep of his house at 7 years old it was overrun with cats and birds that flew in and out the window.

But he was a good boy so the town people took care of him and he showed them all how to almost fly and they walked around pretending the earth was the sky but it more like dancing and the king got very mad cuz his noble knights were all just dancing, and he said to the boy "my knights no longer care to fight--- it's best you leave, you're a good boy, but we don't like you here."

but, he was a good boy, so he caught a chariot just like his momma did, and he left that town before he was hung and he got to a new town in two rising suns and the people there already knew how to dance and they sang as well at every given chance and he became the dress maker for the queen and one day fitting her she took off everything....

she said "I know I'm the queen, but I just can't find a king... You got very skillful hands let's sell my wedding ring and run off into the night, and see what becomes of us."

But.... he was a good boy and that sounded dangerous to him and though the queen was mighty beautiful, she was a little too one-dimensional. He said "your offer is generous indeed, but I can't imagine embarrassing the king.. and the whole majesty--- darling, you should use your imagination, why don't you Cross the Moat, bare the crocodiles, use your imagination...."

But you'd never believe the queen had him ostracized using her lovely imagination, and so he caught a ride to an island by working on a boat, and when he landed in the sand, he picked it up in his hand- and when he looked into his palm---he saw that he'd gathered a Gigantic Diamond... and he bought the ship right there with that ---and he set said for distant lands, he set sail for very distant lands.

But one night he cried to the wind "I've got no home" one night he cried to the wind "I've got no home"
But he was a good boy so the wind picked him up in a gigantic gust and as he whipped in wild spirals the wind whispered "Trust Me, Boy... I know what it's like to have no home" the wind whispered "I know what it's like to have no home".

This is an ancient Mariner tale- you've got to learn to Sail.
Track Name: southland rain
Seems that I traded in my imagination
For whatever the odometer reads

Me and my level head we look ahead
with the cruise control set just a little over speed

I don't think I knew you at all

You gave me a sign about as fleeting
as these here on the highway
that I blow by.

What is there to say I did not say better before
when your ears were open as wide as the door
you opened when you said "take your things
and bring to me no more"

I am not so sure you knew me at all

I passed by like a high-tail speed chase
intense-in-the-moment-but-forgotten-upon-waking-dream.

My heart cannot rest at night
it is fervent in affair with the moon
the two take shape as just one
when they catch site
of each other's adoration
I just watch from where I'm stationed.

When I small, yea- The Day Before Tomorrow--
I thought Love was a tuber that cracked the earth when ripe- and birthed into each set of lovers a legend rich in lore, that surpassed in every case
any other tale told before.

And I know I did not know you at all.
But I knew the lines around you
but I never found you
in-between them, that's for sure.

My windshield wipers they are
barely rockin back and forth upon the glass
it seems I traded in my imagination
for a change of oil and a tank of gas

and I know you've little reason to
know me now but all the same
I feel you like a poker in my fire, in my flame
though our element of love has returned to from where it came
still I'm medicated by your essence
so live in the presence of the south land rain.

My heart cannot rest at night
it is fervent in affair with the moon
the two take shape as just one
when they catch site
of each-other's adoration
and I just watch from where I'm stationed,
Do you?
Track Name: fancy glass
if i could count
every tear i cried
over you baby
the river is wide

wider than an ocean
with mountains at its side
you'd have to climb over
just to catch me in the wake of my own tide.

in a secret little room
behind a heavy hidden door
at the end of a hall off a fabled missing floor
in a ghost house

you'd have to wake in a dream
and take charge of where you are
to find the key to the room that keeps me.

like a fancy glass
i was made to break in your arms
you're the wrong road to take
off the map i get lost on.

don't say nothing bout the father's only son
he walked around proud from the day he
first was born
til he caught the front-line fire at the sound
of the bugle horn
it took the spark from his eye
so he put it in his gun
that's how the west was won
and how a young man learned then
about life.

it was 1492 and you grabbed my thick
white skin
like the wide plane in your hand
under your breath said "fools rush in"
but the gold was in the knowing....

you were the queen of england's lover
taking cover from the king
killing anything that crossed your path
waiting on her to beg you back.

like a paper tack
i was made to post your name
with the red of my blood
blue from a lack of breath
and the white's the part that you've erased.

but if i could count every tear i cried
over you baby the river is wide
wider than a mountain with rock cliff at its side
you'd have to be clever

just to venture off the peak
see from where my heart beats
my heart beats....

crying wider than a river
a river
a river alight alive and thirsty
who begs you to forgive her
who proves the only truth to seeks is mercy
crying wider than a river
a river alive alight and thirsty
who begs you to forgive her
who licks your wounds and everything
who proves the only truth to seek is mercy.

crying wider than a river
a river alight alive and thirsty
who begs you to forgive her
who licks your wounds and everything
who sings to you in shades and hues
of mercy.
Track Name: jesus was a capricorn
"i got nothing to offer you
nothing to offer you
i'm just another boy who don't brush his teeth
it's not about hygiene, it's worse, it's political."

"can't you at least get a song," he said "a song
to sing. Can't you at least get a song to carry your losses, your particular losses, you unusual lady, I guess that's why- you gotta write your own."

he said "I've got a song," he said "I've got a song to sing. It's three-blind-mice, it's Jack-and-Jill, I sing it for my own, too. I sing for myself," that's what he was saying "cuz, he said, I got nothing to offer you."

but you're just like a beggar; you're just like a queen.
let me define you for the mile you vulnerable honey, then I'll leave you to the wolves, leave you to the wolves, mention me to them- they might cut you a discount or something."

"can't you at least get a song, to carry your losses--- I wanna end that sentence with your name but the shape won't roll off my tongue."

I said---"I know what you mean"
"no you don't"
"Yes I do"
"No you don't"
"okay- well I feel what you're saying--- I want to end that sentence with your name but my mouth won't give it out, it's candy."

You think I keep slappin' my strings
I just sit here slappin' my strings
that I'm bitter and I bank off
being bitter
that I plan to earn a fortune
at my own expense
that the ware on my tires is of the consequence
or maybe you think I'd be short on inspiration.

I'm no travel agent baby I'm not gonna book
you on no flight of Rhymes.
That do you no justice
that constrain your proportions
I'm not gonna crucify your beauty like that.

You don't even sit comfortably
in my compositional phrase
I couldn't bare to try you on my flesh again.

You think I keep slappin my strings
I just sit here slappin my strings
to ease humiliation with self-righteousness.

Can't you at least get a song
a bucket, a basket
How does it feel to be inside of my lyric
a basket a bucket
a short song for you I struck it goes
There ain't No Where From Here To Go
and then
Promptly ends,
So Goodbye.

"I look forward to your record to your record I do
Send it to my mother, send it under cover
cuz" he said, "I've got nothing to offer you."