mixtape​:​:​the ghetto mixtape

by ::leslie jill helpert º≠º

supported by
Michael Reilly
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Michael Reilly Quiet, layered vocals and delightful acoustic guitars in a lo-fi, 'written just for me' collection of honest and open hearted songs.

A personal exploration of sound and meaning that becomes a shared experience to remember. Favorite track: i am very busy being sattvic.
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about

once upon a time i lived in the town's oldest house covered by the branches of an un-arbored magnolia tree. i had no furniture but a low-lying indian card playing table. there was a gas heater that burned a blue fire and made a clicking sound apparent here on the audio tracks of this recording. i stayed in my pajamas for 2 years. After a failed stupid record deal, i made these recordings and jumped on a miniature trampoline at intervals and sometimes i climbed up a rope and tucked away in an attic-level closet and played "hide from the intruder". I had a pet bird who lived outside and woke me up with a cell-phone mimicking drone. his name was Meany. Those were days where i was convinced that my obscurity of reason was the fault of electrical outlets placed too near my bedframe.

credits

released March 1, 2008

me, just me: no one else made this album except for the amazing Charlie Wilson did mix it correctly after i mixed it for the volume of a little mouse-house family. He mixed and mastered it for People-ears.

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about

::leslie jill helpert º≠º Barcelona, Spain

<---a non-deductive anachronymph, meaning, mostly "of a chronologically inconsistent hemimetaboly". she makes candy out of earthsap, rudders and thunder ----->

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Track Name: the done company
guess what
i found out why i was distracted
by the cuff of your sleeve

it turns out it reminded me of my father
i could not concentrate rationally

now how could you ever expect to get things done
when you have 5 minutes
to express the depth of your feelings

& i know now
that's just not the way
i ever want to work again

i cannot come over
i cannot come over
You And Your Company Are Done

Next up let's talk about commitment
it's not about you, you're innocent
it's just i've graduated from esoterics
and now i'm in it

i see after i after i delivered my perspective
i second guessed it.

these feelings were not concrete
enough for you
not concrete enough for you
your company deals with concrete
this was not concrete enough for you* * *
your company deals with concrete
this was not concrete enough for you.
Track Name: i am very busy being sattvic
you're a piece of wood
someone's come to reclaim you
only cuz they should
be renewably minded

i mean you're a piece of coal
someone's lungs are black from you
only cuz they worked
so hard to refine you
Track Name: one time, when i was walking
one time
when i was walking
under a chalk yellow moon, of course
pleased with the rain
investigator (not private)

there are new jobs nowadays
there are ways to be subtle and specific

there are new jobs nowadays
there are ways to be both
subtle and specific

I had an echelon
but less manicured
it was like
an esha-loo
an a-choo
a sneeze
but less triggered
by dust
and i trusted it.

cuz there are ways
new jobs
there are ways
to be subtle and specific

my thighs sigh sometimes
with the weather, of course
the yellow moon's chalk
and i stay away sometimes
i've stayed away sometimes
why
i've stayed away sometimes
this is why I've stayed away.
Track Name: piece
I used to sleep with my lover just to keep him loving just to keep him loving me cuz he never knew what he felt like out of bed.
I never did it for him it was obvious he'd watch me fall over things when the lights were off his room you can imagine was a danger zone.
Dreamt of his mother but was scared of her thunder so he hid under covers with english literature like d.h. lawrence but inside he had a comic.
Back when the winter was a rainy season perched like spies watching skunks in the evening sit on your front porch try to find you something to say.
I used to sleep with my lover just to keep him loving just to keep him loving me he never knew what he felt like out of bed.
I never did it for him it was obvious he'd watch me fall over things when the lights were off his room you can imagine was a danger zone
how did he watch me in the dark you were wondering well it's not so important to our story but he had a little light on his watch he used to flash in my eye.
i used to sleep with my lover just to keep him loving, just to keep him loving me, cuz he never knew what he felt like out of bed.
i used to sleep with my lover just to keep him loveing just to keep him loving me, cuz he never knew what he felt like out of bed.
how did he watch me in the dark you were wondering well it's not so important to our story but he had a little light on his watch he used to flash in my eye.
Track Name: the [blue gorgeous] escapists
you dreamt you sucking on the fruit of the earth
nothing, nothing could sate your thirst.
what's worse was how the sweet taste changed
on your strong tongue nothing stays the same
i'll never look into your eyes (again)

you dreamt you were sucking fruit from the gun
the one you had slung to your hip when you were young
you raised it to the sky like a skewer in the sun
you wanted a warm bite of an apple
but you broke your teeth on the bullet from a battle.

I want to go
and go
and go
cuz baby we are noble to be The Escapists
I want to go
and go
and go
Or else we'll be like time,
imprisoned convicts.

You dreamt you were riding the back of a slug.
The blue gorgeous excrements of his slowness
shined in your palm
When you woke up on the floor to a drum
You knew nothing was real
Now What do you feel?

Punch holes in your floor
until you punched into the dirt
you punch through all the ground
you're on the other side of the world

From San Francisco to Mont Marte,
there's your heart!

You dreamt you were sucking
the fruit of the earth
nothing i mean nothing
can sate your thirst
it's a curse
your taste buds change
on your strong tongue
nothing can stay the same.

Oh I wish I could feel your hand fall
heavy asleep on my breast
Track Name: untitled--- my heart wants to start over.
i've fallen astray
holding on
to my worldly possessions

my heart
wants to start over
my heart
wants to start over

never forgotten a thing you said
oh the ways i was wrong
formed my head
then, deformed, i listened
made effort
muscles tired,
everything you chose
you imposed on your child
and now you see her
and now you spit
she's a folded nickel
like a said dragon
who when, if she would
unfold, is as large as a mountain
and if yes then by whose late night conversation?

My heart wants to start over
My heart wants to start over
My heart wants to start over

Mother says "run", "go"
mother says "go", "go", "go"
"find your heart,
abandon the pharaoh of reason...
see, waters part."
but, by day, we return sober,
with again, glass in hand
begging, begging.

My heart wants to start over
my heart wants to start over.

*Lover after we were hit
by the imperialists
i wrapped my bullet-holes
in antiquitous tourniquets
said
"I was looking for a bit of
original wit
digging up yards here and there
bones were discovered."

But now my heart wants to
start over
Track Name: o-my love can do no wrong
Oh he didn't trust me
me and my heart
and he raised his big mirror
up to my eyes
oh and it was a trigger
cuz he just raised the same to the sky
while singing
"both of us lovers are on pedestals now
and both of us utter
my love can do no wrong."

even skipping
cannot save these fools
who by asinine tournament
missed every goal.
the only hope
they now chance
is to beg for a quick death
in each-other's arms
oh while quivering.


her mother feeds her
but it's a sad fare
everything sweet
is sickly and how
everything sour
by comparison dull
everything spicy is
missing the mark
and bitter is week
and pungent not deep
only her fallen tears
can chance to flavor the lot

she's stuck digesting
that he couldn't trust her
her and her heart.
Track Name: somebody's garden
remember the walk we took
through somebody's garden
each of us eyeing
the statues and stones
juxtaposed in the midst
of endemic botanicals
and imported roses
from paris and rome.
i held your hand and sighed
which means, supposedly, "if only".

recall when we felt Fall
and identified Autumn
in a scholastic town
filled with professors of prose
when everything rhymed conveniently
by it's ending
and no one thought twice if it did
with the words "no" and "nose".

when saints were saints
and stars were stars
and magicians did their tricks with cards
and lived in apparent site on the hill
where mountain lions stopped to strike
and instigate awe and chill
and remember when you lived in me
for days after we slept
like phosphorous in octopi arms
free and so well-kept.

when time was not to recollect
but to play with like porcelain
to make trees like elephants
with trunks profound and grand
and we moved to france
particularly so we could say
"terrible" and mean the most, the best,
and not the world at its end.

your eyelashes caught dewey things
sleep and snow and dust
spiderwebs and silly/tender string
the fragrance of hope and trust.
but broke off in a frozen dream
of winter and so we must
part at the gates we built ourselves
and slept to forget we did

and i hope you find the note inside
your stomach that i hid
and i hope you find the kiss inside
your mouth i farewell bid.
and make with no copyright
or trademark like a man
but versus, instead, transform something,
sandcastle by wind
or make a flute out of your spine
or recall my name over a cliff
like the warrior israelites on
mount mesada did.